Home is Where

Just Wondered

Edsel Family Restaurant
Another first date for Weyland
And the nightmare continues....

Weyland's in a booth, sitting across from a tall redhead.
Weyland: How's your food, Nance?
Nancy: Overcooked. Wey, I have a confession to make.
Weyland looks tense: You're not married, are you?
Nancy: No.
Weyland: Oh, okay.
Nancy: I'm gay.
Weyland: Oh. Okay....
Nancy: I said yes to dinner because I've been wondering if I could like men too.
Weyland looks smug: And what have you decided?
Nancy: I don't think so.
Weyland looks at her.
Nancy shakes her head: Not at all.
Weyland: Oh.
Nancy: As a matter of fact, after dinner with you, I've decided I don't have a straight molecule in my whole body.
Weyland: Oookay....
Nancy looks at her cell phone: And I just realized that if I leave right now I can catch my friend before she gets out of work.
Weyland: Well, thanks for breaking it to me so gently....
Nancy grins and stands up: I knew you'd understand. (She pats him on the cheek in passing.) You're a sweetheart. Bye!
She leaves with a click clack of high heels.
Weyland lifts a hand and points at the ceiling: Check, please.
Donna the waitress comes over, chewing gum: This one didn't even make it to dessert! Way to go, Slick.
Weyland: Somebody out there somewhere is sticking pins in a Weyland doll.
Donna blows a bubble: Maybe you oughtta take 'em to a nicer place.
Weyland: I can't afford a nicer place.
Donna: The way you tip, you can afford it. Here's your check.
Weyland: Thanks.
Donna: Don't leave change this time.

***

Carry Out

Edsel Family Restaurant
Yet another first date for the Weylander
Here we go again....

Weyland is in his regular booth, sitting across from a thirtysomething black woman.
Tonya: .....so I told her, "It'll be a cold day in h*ll before you ever work here again!"
Weyland looks sour: Uh huh.
Tonya: What?
Weyland: I said "uh huh".
Tonya: Looks like you have something more to say. (She sits back and crosses her arms.) Go ahead.
Weyland glares at her: Just let me get this straight. The kid was honest, got there early every day, and did her job right--but you canned her because she p*ssed you off. Have I got that right?
Tonya frowns: You're wrong! I fired her because she's a b*tch.
Weyland shakes his head: No no, Tonya. She's not the b*tch. (Jabs a finger at her.) You are.
Tonya picks up her plate of spaghetti and pours it over Weyland's head. She leaves without another word.
Weyland lifts his hand and points his middle finger at the ceiling: Check, please!
Donna the waitress comes over: You want a doggie bag for that, Slick?
Weyland sighs and wipes an eye: No thanks, I'll wear it out.
Donna hands him the check: Looks good on ya.

author: Weyland Smith