Keep the Day Job! .: PaganPages

Keep the Day Job!

Forget-Me-Not

Whitechapel Luxury Condos
Concierge desk.

Scoundrel comes into the lobby to relieve Weyland: So how'd this new girl work out, man?
Weyland: She got mad & took a cab home.
Scoundrel frowns: What happened this time?
Weyland: I, uh, called her by the wrong name. (He blushes.) Eight times.
Scoundrel winces: That'll do it.
Weyland: I just can't get past a first date....
Scoundrel: You blowin' these dates on purpose, man.
Weyland looks startled: But--
Scoundrel holds up a palm: Whether you realize it or not, that's what you're doin'. No doubt in my mind. Even your luck's not that bad.
Weyland thinks it over: Ya think?
Scoundrel: Betcher a*s. You forgot this one's name. What about the one before her, the one who didn't like bald guys?
Weyland: That was kinda awkward, yeah.
Scoundrel: And the coed whose father was eight years younger than you?
Weyland: Hey, I didn't know that until I went to pick her up at home.
Scoundrel: You can add, man.
Weyland: She was a senior, for Chr*ssake!
Scoundrel: Uh huh. You see the pattern here?
Weyland: So what should I do?
Scoundrel gives him a look: Stop f*kin up.
Weyland makes a face: That's your advice?
Scoundrel: It's all you gotta do.
Weyland: Okay--how?
Scoundrel: Get your game back, man! It been six months already! You gotta put the past away--or it'll put you away!
Weyland: Yeah?
Scoundrel: True sh*t, cuz. You ain't been thinkin' lately, you been rememberin'. If you don't start payin' attention to today, yesterday's gonna kick your a*s.
A tall black man in a blue uniform enters the lobby, frowning: What a day!
Scoundrel: Hey, Gizmo, what's up?
Gizmo: That kid of mine's gonna drive me nuts. You wanna hear what he told my wife this morning...?

****

Weyland stops the car at the front entrance to wave at the guard there: How's it goin', Gateway?
Gateway Gonzales: I'm great--you don't look so hot, though. You okay?
Weyland shrugs: I've had better days. (Touches the gas.) Take it easy, huh?
Gateway: Sure. (Watches him drive away.) Wey! Hey, Wey! You're leaking something!

****

Weyland stops by the deli in town for a coffee. Flora, the owner, and her four-year-old grandson Pablo are there, as usual.
Flora: Poor Mr. Weyland. Why you look so sad today?
Weyland shrugs: I'm okay, Flora.
Flora: Really? When is the last time you laughed?
Weyland has to think about it: February.
Pablo's head pops up beside Flora to stare at Wey over the countertop.
Flora: You used to laugh all the time.
Weyland: I guess I've changed.
Pablo: Change back. Or you forget how.

****

Weyland trudges outside to his car. He notices something wet on the pavement as he climbs behind the wheel, but ignores it. He sees he's missed a call from work on his cell phone and shrugs that off too.
Wey has to drive up Dead Man's Hill to get to the highway. The road's pretty steep, so he gives the car a little extra gas. As he crests the top of the hill he touches his brakes.
Nothing happens. The car starts going downhill.
Weyland hits the brakes harder. No effect. The car is picking up speed now.
Wey stands on the brake pedal and sees the speedometer climb.
Ahead, at the bottom of Dead Man's Hill, is the highway. Four lanes of traffic, moving fast. Wey has the red light.
The emergency brake doesn't work either.
And suddenly, Weyland forgets all about Morgan and the kids!
Weyland: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
He wrenches the steering wheel to the right and makes a screaming two-wheeled turn onto a sidestreet just before the highway.
Weyland: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The car thumps back down onto all four tires, bounces twice (bam bam) and skids sideways into a deserted parking lot.
Weyland: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The car slides into a row of evergreen bushes & stops short hard enough to make Wey's teeth rattle.
Weyland fumbles out of his harness and claws open the door. He stumbles out of the car and falls onto the ground.
Celeste materializes beside him: Wey! Are you all right?!
Weyland stops kissing the pavement and grabs her in a bear hug: I'm fine! Gods, it's good to be alive!
Celeste squirms away from him, laughing. You scared the h*ll out of me! What happened?
Weyland: I just said goodbye to Yesterday.
Then he starts laughing too.

****

Unseen by the others, Steed the unicorn and Kongo the darkling stand at the far side of the parking lot.
Steed: I was beginning to think he'd never snap out of it.
Kongo shrugs: Just doing my job.
Steed: You took a h*lluva chance, though, scr*wing with his brakes like that. How'd you know he wouldn't wreck the car?
Kongo: 'Cause he's lucky.
Steed: I dunno if he'd agree with you on that.
Kongo: I didn't say he's smart. Just lucky. And don't you owe me twenty bucks?
Steed: How about double or nothing? Now that he's himself again, think you can do something about those goddess-awful jokes of his?
Kongo: I'm a darkling, not a miracle worker. Gimme me my twenty bucks.
Steed: If I hadn't seen it with my own beady little eyes.... Here.
Kongo: Thanks. Fifty dollars says his luck with the ladies improves real fast.
Steed: You're on!

author: Weyland Smith